» » Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past

Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past download epub

by Jayne Schooler,Betsy E. Keefer,Betsy Keefer


Epub Book: 1333 kb. | Fb2 Book: 1531 kb.

It has a good message (tell the truth to your kids about their past) and some great information about how to broach sensitive topics.

It has a good message (tell the truth to your kids about their past) and some great information about how to broach sensitive topics.

BETSY KEEFER is a Training Consultant for the Institute for Human Services in Columbus, Ohio, where she has been instrumental in the .

BETSY KEEFER is a Training Consultant for the Institute for Human Services in Columbus, Ohio, where she has been instrumental in the development of adoption training curriculum for professionals used nationwide. She has almost 30 years of experience in child welfare, adoption placement, post adoption services, and training.

Do I have to tell my adopted child the truth?" .

Do I have to tell my adopted child the truth?" This is a question that faces every adoptive parent. Filling a much-needed gap in the adoption literature regarding communication with adopted children, Telling the Truth to Your Adopted-Foster Child provides parents with the important knowledge of why adopted children need to know the truth about their past. The authors offer practical guidelines and tools that parents can use in communicating with their children the circumstances of their past

Many adopted or foster children have complex, troubling, often painful pasts.

Many adopted or foster children have complex, troubling, often painful pasts. This book provides parents and professionals with sound advice on how to communicate effectively about difficult and sensitive topics, providing concrete strategies for helping adopted and foster children make sense of the past so they can enjoy a healthy, well-adjusted future. Serves to remove the fear of how to make sense of the past for foster and adopted children of all ages, allowing parents, teachers, counselors, and other caregivers to have open, honest, and beneficial dialogues with children and teens with tough pasts.

by Betsy Keefer Smalley, Jayne E. Schooler. Detailed descriptions of actual cases help the parent or caregiver find ways to discover the truth (particularly in closed and international adoption cases), organize the information, and explain the details of the past gently to a toddler, child, or young adult who may find it frightening or confusing.

Telling a child he or she is adopted can be a trying task, but this is only the first step

book by Jayne E. Telling a child he or she is adopted can be a trying task, but this is only the first step . and if you are an adoptive parent, reading this book will be one of the best things you can do for your child! 0. Report.

Jayne E. Schooler, MBS, has worked for many years as an adoption worker and trainer both nationally and internationally. She is the author or coauthor of six books related to adoption, including The Whole Life Adoption Book: Realistic Advice for Building a Healthy Adoptive Family.

Truth-telling is essential. A sensitive picture book to help ease the anxieties of foster children aged 4 to 10 entering placement. In A Different Home, Jessie tells us her story of being placed in foster care. Prior to adolescence adoptees should know ALL facts about their history, especially the "difficult" pieces; Answering the hard questions about her adoption. Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past. At first she is worried and has lots of questions. Finally found a book for children about foster care. author spoke at CYS banquet.

Characterizes the focus of Keefer and Schooler's book as being on talking to children who do not have contact with birthparents, while neglecting the issue of helping birth and adoptive families . Presents chapter contents of the work.

Characterizes the focus of Keefer and Schooler's book as being on talking to children who do not have contact with birthparents, while neglecting the issue of helping birth and adoptive families overcome differences inherent in what brought each to adoption.

Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past. Betsy E. Keefer, Jayne Schooler. Preface The Power of Secrets on Family Relationships Truth or Consequences: A Great Debate Just the Facts, Ma'am: Why do Children Need Them? A Fact-Finding Mission: How to Gather What You Need t. More).

Telling a child he or she is adopted can be a trying task, but this is only the first step. After becoming aware that he or she is adopted, the child will question the details of the adoption. The truth may reveal details that are painful and sometimes traumatic: a parent is in prison, a drug addict, or even a rapist. In Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child, Keefer and Schooler demonstrate that in even the most difficult situations, foster and adoptive parents must not withhold or distort information about the past. Though sometimes including difficult truths, communication between a caregiver or parent and foster or adopted child can help a child grow up into an emotionally and psychologically healthy adult. Providing help for parents or caregivers wishing to productively communicate with their child, Keefer and Schooler answer such questions as: How do I share difficult information about my child's adoption in a sensitive manner? When is the right time to tell my child the whole truth? How do I find further information on my child's history? Age appropriate guidelines will make an arduous task organized and easier. Detailed descriptions of actual cases help the parent or caregiver find ways to discover the truth (particularly in closed and international adoption cases), organize the truth, and explain the truth gently to a toddler, child, or young adult that may be horrified by it. Parents, teachers, counselors, and other caregivers will come away from this reading with a sharper knowledge of how to make sense of the past for foster and adopted children of all ages.

Comments: (7)

Goktilar
I liked this book overall. It provides in-depth information and gives examples about how to tell a child of their painful past. I now feel much more capable in my ability to discuss difficult information with children. My main criticism is that the book's tone occasionally seems condescending to parents for not already knowing the information contained in the book, which is odd since we wouldn't be buying the book if we knew these things. Although I couldn't find detailed information about the authors, from the tone I got the feeling they must be adoptees who hadn't overcome their anger at their adoptive parents for not sharing much info about their biological families with them. It's also expensive for what it is...$27?! Similar books are much less. But again, overall I found this book very useful.

I would like to update my previous review. I've read this book front-to-back a dozen times now, and though I still find it helpful overall, the more I read it the more I am disturbed by little pieces here and there.

--My biggest gripe is that there are 3 elements to this issue and only 2 are fully covered. (1) understanding the need to tell the whole truth to your adopted child, (2) learning how to tell the child painful information in the most helpful way, and (3) helping the child deal with the painful information s/he has learned. This book almost completely omits #3. For example, the book gives great importance to learning the child's birth background and genetics, because the child will feel this has a great deal to do with how the s/he will turn out, but never covers how to help children realize they are good people even if their birth parents committed bad acts (murder, rape, drug addiction, etc). It seems very obvious that telling children this information may lead them to believe "if my birth parent was bad, I must be bad too." How do you help a child overcome this feeling? After reading this book thoroughly many times, I still don't know; the book implies that once a child knows their entire background, that will be enough to make them feel whole.

--Parents who fear that providing info they know will hurt their children are all described as having selfish motives, such as being controlling, mean, secretive, or inept. Hello, do you think some parents might be trying to shield their child from pain because they love them (whether or not they are "right" to shield them)?

--Adopted children are all described as having holes in their hearts because something is missing, but parents who try to protect their children from feeling this pain are seen as almost evil. It makes it sound like adopted children will have it bad either way, which is very depressing and I think inaccurate. From reviews I've read on other adoption books, such as the "The Primal Wound," there are adopted people who already feel healthy and whole. I feel this book comes from a similar place as that one, so if you disagree with that one, you may not like this one.

--Adoption is described as the only relationship that creates a loss to both parties. That is overdramatic and ridiculous. It is infertility that creates a loss, adoption of a child is a huge gain, always to the parents and almost always to the child. All children are a blessing, and not every parent who adopts is infertile. I don't know any adoptive parent who's not immensely thankful to have their child. And it is much better for a child to be adopted into a healthy family than remain in an unhealthy or abusive one. Gain/gain
KiddenDan
I've been in the adoption process for more than two years now. My children will be home very soon - finally! I've read many books on adoption and on loss, attachment issues, and helping toddler-aged and older kids settle into their new family life and address the issues of difference, of birth family, etc. Most of those books I put down without finishing. They were such tales of dread, seemingly meant to convince adoptive parents that they would have more problems than successes in their family lives. I've heard many adoptive parents of happy kids say the same thing about many of the standard books on adoption issues.

I liked this book because it recounted the experiences of real families. The families who shared their stories experienced a broad range of joys and challenges. This is far more reflective of the reality of the adoptive families I am close to. But I do know some adoptive parents who take the doom and gloom books as the God's truth and subject their kids to various therapies that I think only establish that being adopted is inherently problematic. Families are families, whether they are formed through birth, adoption, or some of each. They are imperfect. Kids are individuals. Yes, there are issues to anticipate and address with adoption, and this book deals with those. But adoptive families are real families, and I much prefer this balanced approach to the topic of relating to and understanding the needs of adopted children over the books that suggest that there is more pathology than simply individuality and normality in adoptive families.

I would recommend this book to parents who are adopting and to those who have adopted. It serves as a good reality check and antidote to those that dwell on the traumas of adoption.
Samugul
When starting out on a search for birth parents, particularly with international adoptions where one has no idea of who (or what circumstances) one will find, this is a superb guide.

They key point here, something most psychiatrists apparently have yet to learn, is that adopted children from the youngest ages frequently and actively wonder about their birth parents, and often conceptualize circumstances that cause serious acting out. During their teen years especially--a time of emotional upheaval even for kids raised in their biological families--adopted children experience a wide range of feelings that must be dealt with. There is no way for parents to successfully take their children "around" their natural grief, the authors note. The only way to handle it is to help them "through."

This, of course, is contrary to traditional thinking. "Oh just forget the past," relatives may say. Don't listen to them. Adopted children need to find out who they are, and even though they most likely never met them, they have love and concerns for their birth parents, feelings that the best adoptive parents will help them digest and manage.

Schooler describes the various levels at which adopted children may conceptualize their origins, depending on their age. And anger can be a big factor particularly during the middle school and high school years. Not dealing with these fantasies and feelings is a prescription for disaster. So is dealing with them in an insensitive or unthinking way.

The message is plain: share everything you know with your adopted child, as soon as you know, with as much respect for the child's feelings as you can. You cannot erase their pain. You can only help them cope with it. And in this way, help them grow into productive young men and women in their own rights.

A fabulous resource, which all adoptive parents, all pediatricians, and all mental health professionals, should study.
Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past download epub
Social Sciences
Author: Jayne Schooler,Betsy E. Keefer,Betsy Keefer
ISBN: 0897896912
Category: Other
Subcategory: Social Sciences
Language: English
Publisher: Bergin & Garvey Trade; 1 edition (July 30, 2000)
Pages: 256 pages