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We Have To Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Women And Men download epub

by Janet Surrey,Stephen Bergman,Samuel Shem


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We Have to Talk book. But it doesn't have to be that way, argue Samuel Shem and Janet Surrey in their pathbreaking and practical new book.

We Have to Talk book. Male relational dread"-that all-too-familiar reaction set off by women's "relational yearnings"-can be tamed, and "We have to talk.

Samuel Shem and Janet Surrey, a remarkable husband-and-wife team, pose a bold challenge to bestselling books that . Instead, the authors acknowledge the differences between men and women, and then show how to use those differences to forge good connections.

Samuel Shem and Janet Surrey, a remarkable husband-and-wife team, pose a bold challenge to bestselling books that say men and women must resign themselves to inherent gender differences. Drawing on their extensive clinical experience as psychiatrist and psychologist, and the workshops they've conducted with more than 20,000 people all over the world, Shem and Surrey outline a program of healing dialogues that will help any couple move beyond superficial harmony to genuine connection.

Shem and Surrey, a psychiatrist and clinical psychologist, work together to open up dialogs between the sexes. In this book the authors show what is possible between men and women in terms of having mutual and deep connections by nurturing the "We" rather than the I & you.

Samuel Shem is the bestselling author of the novels The House of God, Fine, and Mount Misery, and, with Janet .

Samuel Shem is the bestselling author of the novels The House of God, Fine, and Mount Misery, and, with Janet Surrey, the play Bill W. and Dr. Bob. Janet Surrey is the co-author of Women's Growth in Connection: Writings from the Stone Center.

We Have To Talk Healing Dialogues Between Women And Men by Samuel Shem; Janet Surrey; Stephen Bergman and Publisher Basic Books. by: Samuel Shem; Janet Surrey; Stephen Bergman. Save up to 80% by choosing the eTextbook option for ISBN: 9780465032525, 0465032524. The print version of this textbook is ISBN: 9780465080632, 0465080634. Publisher: Basic Books. Print ISBN: 9780465080632, 0465080634.

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Stephen Bergman, Samuel Shem, Janet Surrey.

But it doesn't have to be that way, argue Samuel Shem and Janet Surrey in their pathbreaking and practical new book Stephen Bergman, Samuel Shem, Janet Surrey.

But it doesn't have to be that way, argue Samuel Shem and Janet Surrey in their pathbreaking and practical new book. Male relational dread"-that all-too-familiar reaction set off by women's "relational yearnings"-can be tamed, and in its place can emerge true satisfaction for men and women.

Stephen J. Bergman, author of two best-selling novels about the medical community, will present How to Stay Human in Medicine: The House of God and Mount Misery, at 7 . Wednesday, May 3, 2000, in the Salomon Center for Teaching. His talk is free and open to the public. Last year, Shem and Surrey published a book about their work on gender and couples, We Have to Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Women and Men. Shem’s visit is sponsored by The Arnold Gold Foundation, an organization that seeks to foster humanism in medicine.

Samuel Shem is the pen-name of the American psychiatrist Stephen Joseph Bergman (born 1944). We Have to Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Men and Women (with Janet Surrey, 1999

Samuel Shem is the pen-name of the American psychiatrist Stephen Joseph Bergman (born 1944). His main works are The House of God and Mount Misery, both fictional but close-to-real first-hand descriptions of the training of doctors in the United States. Bergman was a Rhodes Scholar at Balliol College, Oxford in 1966, and was tutored by Denis Noble FRS, cardiac physiologist and later head of the Oxford Cardiac Electrophysiology Group. We Have to Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Men and Women (with Janet Surrey, 1999, ISBN 0-465-09114-8). The Spirit of the Place. ISBN 978-0-87338-942-6, June 2008). At the Heart of the Universe (2016).

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Comments: (7)

Scream_I LOVE YOU
I read this book during a difficult time in my relationship and it really helped me understand what was going on in a new light. It's in my permanent library, should I forget the lessons I learned about how men and women interact. Highly recommend for everyone to read.
Ximinon
"We Have to Talk" is a good read, almost too good, and I was left wondering how much was fiction and how much was non-fiction. Is Samuel Shem deliberately teasing us in using identical passages in his work of fiction "Mount Misery" and his later release ( with Janet Surrey) "We Have to Talk"?
"We Have to Talk" (pg. 83)
Kate: Where shall we go to dinner?
Mitch: Let's go to Miguel's.
Kate: How `bout Pintemento
Mitch: Okay, let's go to Pintemento.
Kate: (after a pause) But it sounded like you wanted to go to Miguel's.
Mitch: No, no, it's okay-let's go where you want to go.
Kate: But I want to go where you want to go too.
Mitch: (silence)
Kate: Why don't you want to go to Pintemento?
Mitch: I just want to decide.
Kate: But we are deciding.
Mitch: We're not getting anywhere. (tensely) Let's just make a decision.
Kate: (screaming) Why are you yelling at me? (starts to cry)
Mitch: (screaming) I'm not yelling!
"Mount Misery" (pg. 175-176)
. . . "Let's go out to dinner."
"Fine. Where shall we go?"
"Let's go to Miguel's."
"How about Pentimento?"
"Okay," I said, not really caring, "let's go to Pentimento."
She paused, studying me. "But it sounded like you wanted to go to Miguel's."
"No, no, it's okay-let's go where you want to go."
"But I want to go where you want to go too." She considered this, and asked, "Why don't you want to go to Pentimento?"
Feeling more tense, I said, "I just want to decide."
The phone began ringing.
"Why are you yelling at me?"
"I'm not yelling."
Also compare pages 201-202 of "Mount Misery" with page 44 of "We Have to Talk".
The point to be made is not that Shem, the master of extreme hyperbole, is a sham, but that, while his fiction is eerily like real life, his non-fiction smacks of anecdote and fantasy. Even if Tom and Ann are real, a couple detailed in "We Have To Talk" who but the most affluent with limitless recourses, could afford the luxuries they take for granted, in and out of therapy. What about a boot-strapping theory for the rest of us?
Also, why the pervasive Freud bashing in both books? I am certainly not a Freud fan, but why is "holding the We" any less contrived then "the shadow of the object falls across the ego"? Doesn't Shem do exactly as Freud, concocting fanciful theories to fit his anecdotal experiences from a small cross section of the American population in order to serve his own notoriety?
I still recommend "We Have to Talk" but ask the reader to sift through the self help dross for the occasional enlightening pearls.
xander
A very thought-provoking and enlightening work on gender differences and how they conspire to prevent/hobble quality relationship between men & women. I found myself continually clapping my forehead and saying "Duh!" and I've always fancied myself an evolved, hip and sensitive new-age guy!
With that said, I'm eager to "reality check" this book with some of my women friends to get their perspective. My instinct tells me "We Have to Talk" can be an incredibly valuable tool in understanding the deep, social underpinnings of both interpersonal communication and relational behavior. In fact, this may have been the single best interpersonal or "relationship" book I've ever read...and I've read a few. I now feel much better-equipped now to build stronger, healthier and more mutually-rewarding relationships in the future.
I also got the sense the authors really know their stuff and commend them for presenting the issue and information in a clear,very readable style.
Maveri
This book is oriented to people from the USA society. Some ideas discussed in the book might not work for people with other cultural backgrounds, like Asian or Latin American. However, even if you are not from the USA, you could get some good tips, but don't think the whole book will be useful.
Leceri
This is a great book - the kind of book that you wish you had read 10 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of pain and grief in my relationships. I'm a 35 year old male - and I could recognize both the male responses in the book - and the reaction of the women. I recommend it to all my male friends - this is the book all men should read if they want to make their relationships with women work - and if they really want to learn what it means to truly connect, not just with women, but with each other as well. A truly insighful - and inspirational - book.
Cel
This book challenges the prevailing theories about how men and women are different suggesting that these differences are socialized rather than intrinsic. In this book the authors show what is possible between men and women in terms of having mutual and deep connections by nurturing the "We" rather than the I & you. The concept of seeing ourselves as part of a "We" that needs to be cultivated is revolutionary and filled with promise.
Qiahmagha
This book unthinkingly and un-apologetically promotes an essentialist, hetero-sexist approach to to gender and relationship. As such, it's outdated and problematic. Despite these troubling shortcomings, many people interested in existing (i.e., socialized) gender differences and their effects on men and women who happen to be involved in conventional gender-romances (or even in friendships between members of the opposite sex) would no doubt find this book thought-provoking and interesting. Thus the 3 (not 1 or 5) stars.
We Have To Talk: Healing Dialogues Between Women And Men download epub
Relationships
Author: Janet Surrey,Stephen Bergman,Samuel Shem
ISBN: 0465091148
Category: Self-Help
Subcategory: Relationships
Language: English
Publisher: Basic Books (April 23, 1999)
Pages: 238 pages